Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
