I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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