I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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