I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
