At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
