Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
