My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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