dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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