I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
