Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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