If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
