your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
