Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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