Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
