dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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