she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
