i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
