I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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