shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
