Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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