Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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