You're my little dorito
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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