I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
