True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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