Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
