so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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