my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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