You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
God, I missed his penis.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
