I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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