Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
