i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
