"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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