Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
