We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
