Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
