420 ftw
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
