she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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