Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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