: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
