he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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