I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
