you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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