Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
