nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
