so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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