i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
