At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
