Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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