When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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