I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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