I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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