he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
