There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
